By: Dove and The Yule Logs
If you’re having a hard time deciding what to get your favorite girl or guy for a holiday gift, you’re not alone! No matter how you celebrate the season, it’s always difficult to know exactly what to wrap for the person you’re dating (aside from the obvious), without either offending or going overboard. You don’t want them to think you’re cheap, but it might be even worse to do too much and have them think you’re psycho!
Thankfully, Christmas and Hanukkah rock ‘n roll group The Yule Logs was willing to share their best and worst ideas for your loving holiday gift lists. Read on as Jake, Marty, Kirt and Spencer – also known as the “hardest working band in snow business” – give you their rather wild version of UrbLife.com‘s “Gifts for Your Lover” list!
We’re not sure how you’ll be able to fit some of this on your shopping list (although some of these ideas won’t cost you a cent!), but the guys get an A+ for creativity! For even more fun, be sure to check out title track video from their new album Walked with a Reindeer below!!
The BEST Gifts for Your Lover
1. An unexpected pregnancy. Nothing says “I love you” like the surprise of a new mouth to feed.
2. A refurbished merkin wig. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!
3. An urban coyote. It’s urban! It’s a coyote!
4. Pleasures of the flesh. Not just for birthdays anymore.
5. $25 Applebee’s gift card. Try the artichoke dip.
6. Your favorite celebrity impression. Who doesn’t love a good Bob Goldthwait impression?
7. A Yule Logs CD. That is, if they don’t have it already.
The WORST Gifts for Your Lover (and Things You Should Never Gift Anyone!)
1. Pink eye. Also known as occular conjunctivitus, pink eye is just nasty stuff.
2. Your real name, and the phone number for your secret burner. Keep your relationship strong and your lies well hidden.
3. A high colonic. Do not give your lover a colonic; leave it to the professionals.
[You seriously weren’t expecting a visual, were you?]
4. VHS copy of Independence Day. “Alright you alien assholes! In the words of my generation, up yours!!” – Randy Quaid as Russell Casse
5. Rug burn. It’s only funny until someone gets hurt.
6. A sack of hornets. Give a beard of bees instead.
7. The Bob Dylan Christmas album. It’s hideous.
Follow The Yule Logs on Twitter @TheYuleLogs