Diet Diary: Weight Gain Guaranteed! How to Pack on Pounds by the New Year


By: Siddiqu “The Personal Trainer”

All year we promote health and fitness, but the holiday season often throws us off our routine. You may have made it through the Thanksgiving trials, but it’s not over yet! Rather than telling you what not to do, we’ll give you a checklist of surefire ways to gain weight by the time the ball drops this New Years Eve!

1. Over-indulge in alcohol

Drink and be merry! Consuming alcohol is a great way to ingest large quantities of sugar and calories with little or no effort. There are added benefits of the next morning hangover, and don’t forget the greasy breakfast that is required after a night of drinking!

Sugar has seven calories per gram, which is twice the amount of protein and carbohydrates. This can sky rocket your caloric intake and you won’t even realize it. For some serious poundage, drink alcohol frequently and add fruit juice or a carbonated beverage.

We are not endorsing drinking and driving! You can be safe and gain weight effectively without putting others at risk.

2. Don’t eat the day of a big dinner or holiday party

You want to look slim in your party or dinner outfit, so you avoid eating all day, making yourself ravenous. This way you can consume your daily caloric intake in one sitting. And remember, since you’re so hungry make sure you eat extra fast so you can eat even more food before you feel full.

Make sure you start the party off with some cocktails and appetizers, especially the fried appetizers. Make sure you eat a bit healthy by grabbing raw vegetables and coating them in dip. Now socialize by the dessert table, making it very convenient to reach for that extra cookie, brownie or chocolate.

3. Avoid the vegetable tables and go straight for the desserts!

This is a given. Stay away from anything that is green, unless it’s green icing on cookies or a cake! Vegetables will destroy your chances of real weight gain. The desserts are where it’s at. Consume as many as possible, and be sure to take a doggie bag home with you for a late night snack!

4. Don’t make time for fitness

You’ve worked out all year. Forget working out! There’s no time, right? With parties and shopping and parties and more shopping, who has time for working out? We can pick up working out again at the first of the year.

Hey, that’s a great New Year’s resolution!

5.  Avoid extra movement. Better yet, lay around a lot!

Working out is definitely out, but make sure you don’t do any extra physical activity either. This could increase burning calories. If weight gain is truly the goal, sit as much as possible. Stay sedentary long enough and that lower back pain you once had will come back too! That’s an added bonus to following this program.

6. Definitely ignore the “Rule of 3”

Starchy carb, fibrous carb, lean protein blah, blah, blah. It worked all year, but not now. Go back to the way you ate before you were introduced to the “Rule of 3” (eating three portions, each from each food group). This will add pounds on faster and more efficiently than ever before.

7. Don’t drink water!

Drink plenty of sodas, beer and wine instead of water, and remember to order the largest flavored coffee you can find, with extra whip cream! Tasty pumpkin spice lattés work great!

There you have it! The straight-forward, no nonsense plan to guarantee weight gain. Follow this, and you’ll definitely have the desired outcome you’re looking for.

For more information on Siddiqu “The Personal Trainer” go to

About Author

Siddiqu is an International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA, ACE (American Council of Exercise), NFPT (National Federation of Personal Training) Certified Personal Trainer, IHSA certified coach, as well as a Boxing Fitness Trainer. Siddiqu is a regular guest on You, Me, and the Morning on WCIU and was also featured on R&B Divas Atlanta. A contributor to The Gospel Tribune, Final Call Newspaper, and many more publications. Siddiqu’s clientele ranges from professional athletes to CEO’s. His educational background includes a B.A. in Marketing from DePaul University, and he is currently pursuing an MBA/MS from Loyola University Chicago.

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